got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
