So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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