yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He better not be in your backpack
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
