i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
