Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
