i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
