i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
