this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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