You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
