what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
