you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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