Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
