I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
