I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
