hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
