he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
