I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
