you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize