i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
