I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
