what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
