also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
