I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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