We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
