smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
