I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
