Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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