I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
