It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
