Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
