Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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