Cold hands, warm shart.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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