I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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