my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
