i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize