Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
