I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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