We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
