I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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