what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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