you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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