I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
