so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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