You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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