she woke up with a sticky ear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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