so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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