apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
