He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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