I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
