Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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