Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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