Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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