Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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