Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
