At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
