nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
