she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
