i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
