I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
