they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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