i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize