oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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