Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
