He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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