im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
