My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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