Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
