I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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