I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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