My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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