Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize