oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
