It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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