You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
