so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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