you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
