i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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