Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
