just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
