i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
