Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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