I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
