Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
