Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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