It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
