I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
