I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
