It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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