ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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