this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i drank out of a bidet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
