yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
our cab driver is having phone sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
