We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
