It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
