If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There r osticjed everywhere
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
