I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
