i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
