so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize