at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
