in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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