I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
