Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
