i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
