About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
